A Wedding From A New Perspective
I love societies.
National Geographic Society, musical appreciation societies, book reading clubs, dinner clubs, American Whitewater Association.
There is a delicious sense of camaraderie in being a part of a close knit group of people who have similar interests joining together to partake in some hobby or event together.
Personally, I have been part of numerous organizations.
The American Automobile Association, which is a group of American’s with poorly maintained vehicles who have pooled some of their financial resources (about $76 per person per year) in order to minimize the damage done to the budget when one of our raggedy old cars breaks down, and has to be towed.
The American Whitewater Association, which is a group of whitewater kayakers and canoers who have decided that it is cool to have the title of “AWA Certified Whitewater Kayeker Instructor” and to carry around a little card that demonstrates that the bearer is insured by the AWA to teach someone how to get into a tiny boat and float down a river.
I have also, for the past 6 ½ years been a part of an extraordinarily small club. In fact, I have been the only member of this club up until about 2 weeks ago.
I have never really named the club, but for convenience sake, let’s call it the “Men Who Have Married Phil B’s Daughters Club” or MWHMPBDC for short.
The Code of Conduct and the hazing rituals for the MWHMPBDC are pretty rigorous, but I am proud to announce that one other individual has passed all of the requirements of the club, and I would like to utilize this venue to publicly congratulate the new initiate, and welcome him to the MWHMPBDC!
The first obstacle that must be conquered is called (by those of us in the club) the “falling in love” ritual. The is typically signified by thinking the object of affection (in this case, a B. Daughter) is the greatest gal in the known universe, wanting to spend lots of time with the OOA (object of affection) and wishing that the OOA thought that you were groovy. The new initiate of the MWHMPBDC passed this test with flying colors, but…WHAM! He stepped right into the next test…
The “Putting up with the B. Brothers Sarcasm and Insults.” This hardship of this part of the test is significantly lessened when the prospective club member remembers that these same brothers will someday have to 1.Put up with the sarcasm and insults of some other lady’s brothers, when they one day go a courtin’. And 2. Are going to have to put up with you for the rest of their miserable lives if you manage to join the MWHMPBDC. This thought is significantly more delightful if you are bigger than the brothers, because you can beat them up. If a prospective club member passes this hazing, then it is on to…
The “Getting By Phil B.” test. This is probably the most grueling part of the club hazing ritual. Phil B. is notably affectionate and protective of his daughters, and doesn’t take lightly the rumblings of affection that just any young buck makes when they come checking out one of his daughters. In fact, in a sense, I guess Phil is the “Grand Pooba” of the MWHMPBDC, and has senior voting rights over who can and can’t join. Anyway, the new club member (we’ll call him “Kevin”, for convenience), after much labor (labor being one of the hallmarks of this portion of the club initiation) “Kevin” finally moved onto to the next portion.
“Scrounging Up Money for a Ring.” “Kevin” revealed that he had passed this portion of the club obstacles one night a few months ago over a steak dinner at the B. family residence. I knew at this point that I was about to have a new inductee into the club.
The MWHMPBDC final induction ritual is generally a gala event. To those who don’t realize the existence of the MWHMPBDC, the induction ritual looks very much like a “wedding”. In fact, it is so much like a “wedding” that most people think that is what it is. And the club is so esoteric and quiet about it’s existence, that we allow everyone to think that it actually is a wedding. But we know better. Anyway…the club event went of like a charm. There were about 350-400 people there to witness the induction of a new member into the MWHMPBDC on May 20th, and everyone celebrated by eating, drinking (lattes, that is) and making merry.
So congratulations, and welcome “Kevin”. Enjoy your lifelong membership in the MWHMPBDC!
National Geographic Society, musical appreciation societies, book reading clubs, dinner clubs, American Whitewater Association.
There is a delicious sense of camaraderie in being a part of a close knit group of people who have similar interests joining together to partake in some hobby or event together.
Personally, I have been part of numerous organizations.
The American Automobile Association, which is a group of American’s with poorly maintained vehicles who have pooled some of their financial resources (about $76 per person per year) in order to minimize the damage done to the budget when one of our raggedy old cars breaks down, and has to be towed.
The American Whitewater Association, which is a group of whitewater kayakers and canoers who have decided that it is cool to have the title of “AWA Certified Whitewater Kayeker Instructor” and to carry around a little card that demonstrates that the bearer is insured by the AWA to teach someone how to get into a tiny boat and float down a river.
I have also, for the past 6 ½ years been a part of an extraordinarily small club. In fact, I have been the only member of this club up until about 2 weeks ago.
I have never really named the club, but for convenience sake, let’s call it the “Men Who Have Married Phil B’s Daughters Club” or MWHMPBDC for short.
The Code of Conduct and the hazing rituals for the MWHMPBDC are pretty rigorous, but I am proud to announce that one other individual has passed all of the requirements of the club, and I would like to utilize this venue to publicly congratulate the new initiate, and welcome him to the MWHMPBDC!
The first obstacle that must be conquered is called (by those of us in the club) the “falling in love” ritual. The is typically signified by thinking the object of affection (in this case, a B. Daughter) is the greatest gal in the known universe, wanting to spend lots of time with the OOA (object of affection) and wishing that the OOA thought that you were groovy. The new initiate of the MWHMPBDC passed this test with flying colors, but…WHAM! He stepped right into the next test…
The “Putting up with the B. Brothers Sarcasm and Insults.” This hardship of this part of the test is significantly lessened when the prospective club member remembers that these same brothers will someday have to 1.Put up with the sarcasm and insults of some other lady’s brothers, when they one day go a courtin’. And 2. Are going to have to put up with you for the rest of their miserable lives if you manage to join the MWHMPBDC. This thought is significantly more delightful if you are bigger than the brothers, because you can beat them up. If a prospective club member passes this hazing, then it is on to…
The “Getting By Phil B.” test. This is probably the most grueling part of the club hazing ritual. Phil B. is notably affectionate and protective of his daughters, and doesn’t take lightly the rumblings of affection that just any young buck makes when they come checking out one of his daughters. In fact, in a sense, I guess Phil is the “Grand Pooba” of the MWHMPBDC, and has senior voting rights over who can and can’t join. Anyway, the new club member (we’ll call him “Kevin”, for convenience), after much labor (labor being one of the hallmarks of this portion of the club initiation) “Kevin” finally moved onto to the next portion.
“Scrounging Up Money for a Ring.” “Kevin” revealed that he had passed this portion of the club obstacles one night a few months ago over a steak dinner at the B. family residence. I knew at this point that I was about to have a new inductee into the club.
The MWHMPBDC final induction ritual is generally a gala event. To those who don’t realize the existence of the MWHMPBDC, the induction ritual looks very much like a “wedding”. In fact, it is so much like a “wedding” that most people think that is what it is. And the club is so esoteric and quiet about it’s existence, that we allow everyone to think that it actually is a wedding. But we know better. Anyway…the club event went of like a charm. There were about 350-400 people there to witness the induction of a new member into the MWHMPBDC on May 20th, and everyone celebrated by eating, drinking (lattes, that is) and making merry.
So congratulations, and welcome “Kevin”. Enjoy your lifelong membership in the MWHMPBDC!
posted by Superdave at 2:48 PM
3 Comments:
this post was hilarious. i read it aloud to some friends who enjoyed it as well. :) thanks for sharing!
ah yes...it's good to know that the real pride of the Butler family is the in-laws! One of which happens to be my brother, who can write pretty stinkin' good.
Gary the lucky winner of a Cathy
ah yes...it's good to know that the real pride of the Butler family is the in-laws! One of which happens to be my brother, who can write pretty stinkin' good.
Gary the lucky winner of a Cathy
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